Narcissistic Mothers

Summary: One of the more confusing situations that appears in conversation often. Masked with strange behaviour that can be brushed aside or blameshifted with gaslighting. The last member of the family network that plays the victim and stays under the radar.

VeryWellMind - What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy

VeryWellMind - Why Do People Blame the Victim?

Pay attention to how their childhood is discussed, used or enforced. If there is no growth, like many situations related to narcissism, the lack of growth means manipulation instead of navigating with empathy and consideration. Sibking may have struggled with development due to the cognitive bias in the family culture.

Mostly covert, it can be malignant and overt. Gossiping, manipulation to cover tracks, never grown up at the core. Many speak of this situation as tricky due to the nature of covert narcissism.

Aviodiant of accountability, unable to discuss on a deeper level without applying distraction, a history or choices without review. Many see a parent with truth bias and not the person behind the label who will allow behaviour they do themselves. The Scapegoat is used.

In story drama, the character can be seen in rom-coms. A lack of self-awareness is caused by a lack of consideration beyond their emotional state.

Boundaries appear to be the main issue, never respecting while trying to create enmeshment.

Choosing Therapy and PsychCentral reference in detail. Many may not see the covert versions, which can be very dangerous due to a higher level of masking.

1. She Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries (stalking, controlling not educating)

2. She Views You as an Extension of Herself (enmeshment, no boundaries)

3. She Plays You & Your Siblings Against Each Other (triangulation to distract with drama)

4. She May Manipulate You Into Feigning Illness (if you are ill, its your fault)

5. She Constantly Criticizes You (partners, friends)

6. She Sets Unrealistic Expectations (fantasy issues appear in various assumptions)

7. She Lashes Out at Any Criticism (feedback is seen as something else)

8. She’s Obsessed With Maintaining Appearances (public consumption)

9. She Expects You to Admire Her (covertly or overtly)

10. She Ignores Your Needs (health, members of the family)

11. She Seemingly Competes With You (the ego needs attention)

12. She Gaslights You (seek a professional about the disorder)

13. She Only Treats You Well in Public (behind closed doors, silent treatment)

14. She Often Presents as the Victim (seek professional advice; this is abuse)

1. She chronically shames her children. (can be subtle comments when needing stimulation)

2. She sets up damaging comparisons among her children as well as their peers. (behind closed doors everyone is less in some way)

3. She treats her children as extensions of her. (Expects the facade to continue)

4.She competes with her children, disrupts their transition to adulthood and crosses sexual boundaries. (Can be the opposite; there is no interest in adult education or development)

5. An obsession with the external, at the expense of her child’s needs. (Projecting an image)

6. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. (Control issues, seek advice)

7. Becomes enraged at any perceived threat to her superiority. (Ego issues)

8. Emotionally invalidates, guilt-trips and gaslights her children. (No accountability)

References:

Choosing Therpahy - Narcissistic Mothers: 14 Signs & How to Deal With One

PsychCentral - 8 Toxic Ways Narcissistic Mothers Emotionally Abuse Their Children

The Healthy - How to Tell if You Have a Narcissistic Mother

Abundance No Limits - Strategies for Dealing with Narcissistic Mother

PsychCentral - The Enmeshed Family System: What It Is and How to Break Free

Charlie Health - 10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Psychology Today - Do Narcissistic Mothers Have a Maternal Instinct?