Coercive Control - Part 2
Summary: One of the problems with identifying coercive control is the abuser has many tactics to cover up their actions with numerous mind games. Both males and females can be deceptive, emotional, and controlling abusers, both offering the same forms of abuse; one can be more covert and better at hiding, and one can be more threatening, only seeing objects, not people. When they fear exposure, they blameshift the shame away, and it will be passed on to the victim. The actions they are doing are via a personality disorder and damaged feedback loop. D.A.R.V.O. is the system they use to remove accountability at any expense, trying to gain control in a matter they never had in childhood. Role reversal.
I take this subject very seriously; it usually requires a professional to spot the hidden agenda, subtle signs, and the slow but damaging changes to the victim who may stay due to their empathy and tolerance being used against them. Under the radar by design, in a cycle.
Going No Contact will have an effect on the abuser; they do not want anyone to know who they really are when no one is looking, and they will try anything to cover up. Do educate yourself first to know that the same behaviour will be used on others, which is using something to make sure they don’t have to feel accountable and that it is the victim’s fault for speaking up.
Abusers see everything differently (with a bias, past hurt, wants and needs without consideration) from a balanced person, so learn how an unbalanced person thinks as well as behaves, and know why they came to view that anything they say and do is acceptable as long as they cover it up. Deep insecurity will drive control issues, not confidence. It is not confidence that brings abuse. It is trying to own other people's perceptions to show their true bond to the root of the issue but never fixing anything. People are objects, and love bombing is a clear indicator that love is not felt; words are used deceptively. A person who can love would not have a cycle of abuse projected and continue as if nothing happened.
Please call 999 or 911, as coercive control is a crime and a crime for anyone trying to cover up the abuse. The laws changed to protect the subtle but very damaging abuse. Chipping and poking, joking to hide contempt and release from their internal issues projected onto others.
Psychology Today - The Truth About Abusers, Abuse, and What to Do
Standing up to your Abuser: When Words Don’t Work
How to spot an abusive partner before it's too late for the person who will be feeling:
The patterns to look for:
Passive aggressive comments and statements
Silent treatment
Deception to gain access to funds to cover debts at any expense
Charmingly hiding any form of abuse in different statements so others think it is something else going on.
Their childhood will be reflected covertly or overtly, with suppression or no accountability.
They will deny, blamshift, smear, and gossip to avoid processing. The reaction is the something not nothing, they know they need to cover up their long term abuse that offer control and release.
Avoid truth and fact conversations.
Head fog, headaches, anxiety in other areas of your life.
Speaking to the wrong people can have a damaging effect; not everything can think, feel and see what is off, what is not sound, and what is camouflaged.
The coverup is key; as tough as this sounds, they are covering up what they know and do; they cannot avoid their own memories, and those memories are linked to actions; those actions are abuse and a lack of accountability and deep routed issues that are not your problem or to be an emotional punching bag… however subtle. When you have all the evidence, the coverup should be documented. The coverup is an equal abusive action. Any use of third-party abuse is also a crime. the agenda remains, target the victim to have control by any means necessary… the law knows this. If a person is not helped before it is too late, the mind can wander and may never regain balance.
Some may survive an abusive development stage, but that abuse can be easily projected onto others with a person going one way rather than the other. The prison is in the mind, they want that hidden, timed, in a cycle.
When You Stand Up to Abusive Behavior, You Always Risk Consequences
How to stand up for yourself: 8 steps for cautiously confronting emotional abusers
How to Deal With Abusive People – Effectively
PsychCentral - Traumatic Bonding: 9 Signs You Are Bonded To The Abuser
Healthline - Narcissistic personality disorder manipulation tactics
Triangulation: Someone using this tactic will try to pull a third person into your conflict, typically to reinforce their own opinion or position.
Gaslighting: Someone trying to gaslight you tries to get you to doubt your perspective and reality, often by twisting facts or insisting things you remember didn’t actually happen.
Hoovering: This tactic involves attempts to reconnect or pull you back into a toxic or abusive relationship.
Silent treatment: This behaviour becomes manipulative when someone purposely ignores you to control you or make you feel isolated.
Scapegoating: Parents who use narcissistic manipulation may place all the blame on one child they designate as a scapegoat.
Passive aggression: Indirect blame-shifting, sabotage, and sarcasm can all point to covert narcissistic manipulation.
MentalHealth - Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
MedicalNewsToday - What is narcissistic abuse and what are the signs?
PsychCentral - What is Narcissistic Abuse?
PsychCentral - Identifying and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
Psychology Today - The Truth About Abusers, Abuse, and What to Do
