Covert Narcissists
Summary: Same traits as the overt, but with the volume turned down, plus more manipulation with the professional victim card to ‘Fit The Narrative’.
VeryWellMind - What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy
VeryWellMind - Why Do People Blame the Victim?
Choosing Therapy discusses in detail, review their page. It’s important to understand why the behaviour happens - Childhood development is the starting point and observe the projection under the radar. A full essay will follow shortly.
1. They’re Insecure (Avoiding life lessons and shame)
2. They’re Passive-Aggressive (the past is under the surface)
3. Hypersensitive to Criticism (feedback is seen as something else)
4. They Procrastinate & Disregard Others’ Needs (fantasy and lacking empathy)
5. They’re Easily Stressed (Won’t motivate the self, its someone else’s job)
6. They’re Chronically Envious (hidden feelings)
7. They Put Themselves Down (Behind closed doors or in public for attention)
8. They Have Difficulties With Anxiety & Depression (no processing, the avoidance builds up in the background)
9. They Blame Others for Their Behavior (Blamshifting like a child)
10. They Have Superficial Relationships (Naricsstic feed for top up, but will never admit it directly)
11. They Have Difficulty Fitting In (People are objects)
12. They Go Above & Beyond in Everything (Fantasy)
13. They’re Manipulative For Personal Gain (Them first, no matter who you are)
14. They Have Grandiose Fantasies (The extended childhood)
Exploiting children for personal gain: A covert narcissist will find ways to benefit from their child, whether financially, at work, or in relationships. Their child essentially becomes a bargaining tool.
The Dynamics surrounding the narcissist, everyone has a place and use:
The Narcissist
The Narcissist’s Enabler
The Golden Child
A Narcissistic Scapegoat
Maintain strong boundaries: Know what you are and are not comfortable with, and practice sticking to them.
Use strong communication: Keep it Necessary, Emotionless, and Brief—when able and appropriate, view communication in this frame. This will decrease chances for unintended emotional hijacking and manipulation of conversations and situations.
Research:
Choosing Therapy - Covert Narcissists: Traits, Signs, & How to Deal With One
VeryWellMind - How to Recognize a Covert Narcissist
Cleveland Clinic - What Is Covert Narcissism?
Healthline - 10 Signs of Covert Narcissism
Medical News today - Signs of covert narcissism
NLM - Origins of narcissism in children
VeryWellMind - What Makes Covert Narcissist Traits Different?
