Pre-Session Insight Part 1

(For Harvard referencing, I must supply three or more references to validate; you can read one the link for each subject… the truth is right in front of you. The education will half or cut to a quarter of the recovery time.)

On the fence: If you have not spotted the overreaction, conditioning or why someone has brain fog, it has to do with someone else’s behaviour who they first trusted on an emotional level. the word deception is used to save listing all the labels.

“Two narratives, one is hidden, one for the victim, target and audience, another for the deceptive person. When the fear exposure is linked to the hidden second narrative, it will be protected at any cost. The victim will be doubled down on, pressure from third-party, anything to keep the facts and truth hidden. Fear of exposure is a reaction to something, not nothing. The external smear is the deceptive person’s confession. They will re-position their actions on their target or victim as yet another blame shift to remove shame. The undiagnosed personality disorder operates without an internal processing system, so guilt, shame and accountability are too big for one deceptive person. The false self-construct, facade, and first narrative will be exposed as false. It requires a lack of empathy for others to create such a complete way of living just to avoid facing a fix. Seeing others as objects is equally damaging to the deceptive person. A lack of accountability has many compensating behaviours, all studied. Learn the behaviour, the compensation, the blame shift or why patterned behaviour exists to see the environment with full clarity. Having a deeper awareness into human behaviour, labels, personality disorders, ACE’s and troubled abusers is only tough at first, then you can join the dots like everyone else.”

Purpose: The priority is helping people be educated; this is an open-source approach to providing balance and stability to those who have been destabilised and do not know why they feel the way they do. Can you be fixed? Yes.

Instructions: Brain fog? Read the first section only and then move on to the videos (Three Things Narcs do)… It is better to gain insight and a new education from a number of qualified/experienced people first before diving into a much-needed insight into human behaviour linked to a hidden personality disorder affecting someone else, which can be very dangerous; the mind breaks, it is not indestructible.

Question: How many people drive compared to how many who can fix a car? Pick up some new tools, fix the flat tyre, reset the GPS, and drive on a different road; it’s time for service and update so your empathy and tolerance don’t take you down completely (drained by compensating), along with the hidden abuse dressed up as something else. When you know the definition of abuse, things will change… Boundaries are required; create them properly for a number of reasons.

The side effects you feel are happening for a reason; once educated on why and how, you will start to feel better as your mind will get answers rather than feeling stuck (a lost sense of self, someone made you feel that way). What is toxic for one is very toxic for two. Once you see the toxic actions for what they are, your mind can protect itself in a different way. Right now, you are surviving only. Getting YOU back fast is important as some people never come back; timing is crucial. When a person leave a P.O.W. camp, the P.O.W. camp must be removed from the person or the person will carry someone else’s trauma as they did in the relationship. Education and time fixes this red flag issue to gain balance.

This page focuses on Malignant types who abuse and control (hidden) while covering it up (the coverup keeps the abuse going for longer, which is equally as damaging). Subtle, covert types can be equally dangerous or more than an overt type who is spotted straight away. In the last 20 years, the focus has been on protecting people against covert abusers who have figured out ways to hide in plain sight. They harm other perceptions and mental health; here is why:

VeryWellMind - How to Identify a Malignant Narcissist

Complex and Simple at the same time… They have two narratives.

Once you see the two narratives, matters change in a way you are not expecting. Many are playing catch-up because having two narratives is not authentic; it’s what catches people out. Why do that? How much time-wasting does it create? The reason stretches back to childhood… survival tools… control issues, the professional victim card, triangulation, forcing a serving dominance position, needing validation and withholding… it was learned.

One narrative is for you, and one narrative is for them. Other people can be part of the second narrative, or the highly deceptive type can have three narratives…. The third is the public image. The false self-construct then creates a facade that is a broader circumference for the false self, a space ‘not’ to gain triggers and apply conformity to others due to a hidden deep insecurity that they want others to have as well. Destabilising people who go along with it creates targets for those who won’t. Someone wants you to carry their shame; they want someone to be the emotional punching bag, someone to agree the behaviour is acceptable as it gives the abuser control, release and a top-up. The abuse cycle has four chapters. They are not abusive and manipulative 100% of the time.

Very Well Mind - The Four Stages of the Cycle of Abuse

PsychCentral - The 4 Stages of the Cycle of Abuse: From Tension to Calm and Back

Healthline - Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

The side effects you feel are related to you tolerating someone that is not your responsibility, it has nothing to do with the star signs, and has nothing to do with your contribution unless you are questioning their contribution and not giving far more than 50%. The second narrative can be seen when the mask slips, when they go too far, when they confuse themselves trying to maintain Coercive Control, and when they lose out on gaining a narcissistic supply for a top-up. This might all sound crazy, but it is camouflaged, not invisible, and the psychology world has known of this for a long time… now it is your turn before your mental health is permanently damaged by someone else personality disorder they will not admit to themselves. Instead, they put it on you… for now. Once the fear of exposure happens, which means they know you know the cat is out of the bag, be ready for the behaviour you would never imagine could happen.

Why do they hide? Why don’t they fix it? It’s complicated. The delusional fantasy issue that plagues personality disorders creates a fragile false sense of self; they assume a grandiose view over others due to corner cutting, manipulation, and emotional abuse in various hidden ways so people can’t spot it at first. The unhealthy comparison creates a toxic upmanship; the fragile ego over-inflates but cycles into narcissistic injury and narcissistic collapse. Trying to maintain two narratives takes its toll, and the abuse cycle is used for a top-up. Either chipping and poking some (feel above) and gaining a narcissistic supply like a crack addict from others in a number of ways. This is why people get drained around a personality disorder, trying to hide in plain sight. Others use it in numerous ways while the abuse justification tops up the abuser, so they try to avoid feeling guilt, shame and accountability. When a person steps back from a deceptive person, the deceptive person is left with the memories and shame of what they have done. They also know that their victim or target can ruin the false self-construct and facade with truth and fact to double down to maintain control over other people’s perception at any expense… they will protect the second narrative created for them no matter what. People will be used as you are. The answer? Get educated to stay ahead, especially when facing divorce or removing yourself from the trauma bond. The older the emotional and manipulative abuser is, the more cunning they are to control the narrative… which is linked to them being trapped by their own ‘fit the narrative’ perception.

Here are a few terms: Smear and DARVO. You have already been smeared well before you realise, sorry, but it is a fact to deal with: The personality disorder needs targets to avoid processing accountability over time; if people are seen as less, the internal doesn’t process the behaviour, any shame is put on a person in their mind not them, its called re-positioning to stop triggers. The full explanation is below. When in a divorce, their representative may have had a projection you will need to work against. First impressions can seriously harm with a professional victim at play (mind games). Don't worry, ‘living a lie’ and be pulled down if done correctly. Gather all evidence, and let them expose themselves by smearing the actions they do to you but claiming you are doing it to them DARVO… They will do it over and over again as that is how they have been putting their mind games on you for years… you won’t see it until you remove yourself from the abuse as your mind is just surviving, not assessing with headspace. A new education is required to get you out of the hole you are in. It requires a new education to claim out and stay out.

“The fantasy issue is a harmful red flag; the personality disorder believes the two narratives should exist for a biased reason at any expense… your expense.” When the second narrative is identified, you will see how the disorder hides truth and facts from its own internally damaged feedback loop perception. They can be calm or compelling when speaking with Smear as they believe their lies and justifications… The flaw they don't understand through bottlenecking with a ‘fit the narrative’ is living a lie requires two elements. Unfortunately, the internal element is a mess as it got ignored a long time ago; it gets in the way, and they don’t like being reminded of accountability… too much for one person.

This is why a manipulative emotional abuser tries to detach a person from reality who is caught in a facade or trauma bond; they need the other person to have lost their sense of self. You might think of the deceptive, abusive person with every choice and thought without realising… which is a sign of brainwashing and Coercive Control… it’s done over time and can break the mind, and the abuser has no empathy for the cause and effect; they may blame you for getting ill, your weakness, your issue when, in fact, it is their behaviour harming the human mind is not designed to tolerate beyond a point. A person with a toxic bias can be spotted once fully educated.

Now watch the Videos…

After watching various videos on four pages, start here -

Summary: The brain fog and confusion happened, time to remove it…. it was added to your prefrontal cortex and limbic system for a reason. Your Amygdala might be creating hypervigilance, causing anxiety due to tolerating something that should not be happening… gaslighting… emotional abuse, chipping, joking put-downs (an indicator for something), withholding, deception, silent treatment, denying reality to gain control of other people's perceptions, a covert tactic to remain hidden for longer.

Consider reviewing everyone's YouTube channel for a deeper insight. See references page.

HealthLine - What Are the Short- and Long-Term Effects of Emotional Abuse?

CalmClinic - Emotional Abuse and Anxiety

"Questioning your memory of events or denying that an event happened the way you said it did, even when the abuser knows that you are right."

Medical News Today - Is the silent treatment a form of abuse? (Look out for silent treatment and loving bombing, the cycle for deception)

There is a coercive control link below. Do read it for an open door of what goes on behind closed doors. Learn about the full set of events to how you got into the relationship… and what will happen when you leave; be prepared, be educated, and find you without the brain fog.

“Highly sensitive people, beware, you are attracting the wrong people at times… Recovery has two parts: Re-educate on human behaviour and heal with guidance. A destabilised person has been destabilised for a number of reasons. Once knowing the reasons why deceptive abuse and control exist, the abuse and trauma can be handed back to the abuser with the guilt they create to keep you in the trauma bond. The relationship is toxic and harmful to your mental and physical health… fact. What is unhealthy for one… will also drain you, and you may never recover if you remain the one who enables what shouldn’t be happening. Their issues are not your responsibility in a way you might have been conditioned to accept them. Brain fog, a lost sense of self, memory loss, finances signed over, a forced breadwinner position with excuses, removing choices, ignoring boundaries, gaslighting, denying the truth, silent treat, an emotion about bursts till you give in for an easy life…. red flag…. all major red flags.” There is also the primary evidence: using people for what?

Question: Why do highly deceptive, emotionally abusive, and manipulative people gossip and smear you when you reject their lies and shame and leave their fragile trauma bonds? (The full answer is on page 4)

Choosing Therapy - What Is Narcissistic Supply? (Learn to spot the actions, statements and patterns of a dangerous trauma bond with a deceptive person who withholds, abuses and…)

“Narcissists seek endless validation, attention, and praise to compensate for low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and a perceived lack of acceptance. These struggles are often a result of early childhood trauma and attachment issues.”

Cleveland Clinics - What Is Covert Narcissism?

"Like overt narcissism, covert narcissism may have roots in genetics, childhood trauma and learned behaviour picked up from parents or other caregivers."

Watch what happens when you add healthy boundaries… they want to own other people’s perception when the gaslighting stops working. Punish, withhold, silent treatment, blame the victim.

Choosing Therapy - DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender

Insight: A malignant narcissistic person isn’t highly sensitive; they are highly reactive to feedback; there is a big difference… the deception goes deep and right back to their childhood… and beyond.

A person with empathy for others would never smear; it is emotionally and mentally off-limits. Guidance with empathy will expose abuse; the emotional abusers will expose themselves when control is lost in the relationship or when fear of exposure is triggered.

Psychology Today - The Risk Factors for Continuing the Cycle of Abuse (The unfortunate truth is a certain percentage of people with an affected childhood go on to project in adult stages while not behaving like a fully developed adult. ACE’s. Education and a balanced, educated environment are needed to establish the damage that can be caused. If a disorder develops while in an abusive situation, the development years can prevent empathy from developing.)

BMC - Adverse childhood experiences leading to narcissistic personality disorder: a case report

The Link Between Early Trauma and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Having healthy development years is very important (not a subject for this page, it requires further cross-referencing); some may grow away from bad role modelling, some may copy or think with the same detachment and agenda. Others might project and triangulate, displaying the negative education from the experienced examples with replicated covert or overt survival tools, as no real or genuine education was offered about balanced behaviour. Year of no validation given, only abuse and withholding from love and genuine affection.

It may take a person with empathy to review dysfunctional enmeshment if the members of a group lack empathy, a normalised stimulated objective. Knowing this, human rights prevent the abuse cycle (video below) from going too far, repeated in the generations with those who may have genetic precursors that keep families from developing fully. Keeping the education out, needing roles and attention. Charges can be generated for not protecting children and adults from abuse, as well as the core controlling manipulative abuser and those who abuse to cover up abuse in a third-party position. Education is not for everyone as accountability is not processed by toxic disorders; avoidance is the key action to document as it is preferred instead of shame that damages the public image and false self-construct. On page four, you can learn how to expose an abuser if required.

What is a Smear and a Smear Campaign? - Is it present in the relationship or just after leaving?

To clarify, the smear tactic is a narcissistic tool to create a distraction; its dark but very simple once understood why - Needing validation, turning children against parents, children against children, families against families, continuing to target a victim (DARVO) after they have left the trauma bond or facade (the abuser has a target to project shame, nothing else, the disorder needs the release), using made up stories to make the narcissistic have sympathy and make someone innocent look different in the eyes of others yet to know the truth.

Due to the nature of smear being so harmful, so shocking, some may never question a covert narcissist trying to keep heat away from their hidden manipulative abuse or scams or self-deluding fantasies that even they can't tell if they are true or not… only that it offers validation and attention the never received in childhood. Smear is dangerous when it involves uneducated people taking matters at face value. This means everyone should be more educated on personality disorders than they realise, and many usually go off how they are thinking rather than how someone else might be scheming. A harsh truth. So remove truth bias and see the patterned behaviour and reaction to fear of exposure… where there is smoke, there is fire. Other personality disorders come for time in the womb, born without empathy rather than from abuse or conditioning. Look for ASPD seen in the generations.

Types of Borderline are now closely linked to what is classed as female psychopathy, at first the number where less when comparing the same behaviour as male psychopathy. Just as males are more overtly narcissistic, females are the more covert.

UW - Born or made? Understanding antisocial personality disorder

Lack of remorse. People with ASPD may feel little to no remorse or guilt for their harmful actions, and they are often indifferent to the suffering they cause others.

Science Direct: The etiology of antisocial personality disorder: The differential roles of adverse childhood experiences and childhood psychopathology

EOTS -Does Borderline Personality Disorder Overlap With Psychopathy?

EKU - Would the female psychopaths please stand up?

PMC - Borderline Personality Disorder as a Female Phenotypic Expression of Psychopathy?

What is a Smear and a Smear Campaign? - Is it present in the relationship or just after leaving?

To clarify, the smear tactic is a narcissistic tool to create a distraction; it’s dark but very simple once understood why - Needing validation, trying to turn children against a parent, children against children, smear families against families while stepping back to watch, continuing to target a victim (DARVO) after they have left the trauma bond or facade (the abuser needs a target to project shame, nothing else, the disorder needs the release on to someone, a person to deflect on to without empathy present). The purpose? By using made up stories to make the narcissistic person have sympathy and make someone innocent look different in the eyes of others… yet to know the truth. The deeper and darker the disorder, the more it can be high functioning…. but it still tricks itself by continuing to live the lies to create to hide there covert abuse.

Two narratives? The smear is the confession, they exposure themselves by creating a narrative from a detached position… in a convincing way. Look for the love bomb at a later date as if nothing has happened. More mind games.

Due to the nature of smear being so harmful, so shocking, some may never question a covert narcissist trying to keep heat away from their hidden manipulative abuse or scams or self-deluding fantasies that even they can't tell if they are true or not… only that it offers validation and attention they never received in childhood.

Smear is dangerous when it involves uneducated people taking matters at face value. This means everyone should be more educated on personality disorders than they realise, and many usually go off ‘how they are thinking’ rather than how someone else ‘might be scheming’. A harsh truth, if you need empathy training to see it, give it time, empathy can be re-activated. So… remove truth bias and see the patterned behaviour and reaction of fear of exposure… where there is smoke, there is fire. Other personality disorders can come from time in the womb, born without empathy rather than from abuse or conditioning. Look for ASPD seen in the generations. More insight below; it is not what you think; the movies have portrayed characters, but in reality, it is more common and looks like something else.