Pre-Session Insight Part 4
Summary: A lack of maturity and insight on life will appear with further projection onto others to make them appear more healthy more able; when you get ill, you will be used and detached from the emotional punch bag, target, or empathy feeder will be drained so they deny the reality of getting old. Children are seen as objects to use or getting in the way of supply. At the same time, there will always be something wrong with the person who has to try hard to be kind and connect. That is a navigation of doing one thing for another or appearing to be something to hide something. If childhood differs from education, the mind is not thinking beyond bad role modelling. Unhealthy compassion with hidden deep insecurity means others must be lower, focus attention when arrogant or when victimhood appears… the whole time, never understanding what is happening outside the shell, protecting the ego.
If the abuse needs to be brought out in the open (advanced action only)
“To expose a malignant, damaged, deceptive, throw people (objects) under the bus, toxic (high functioning under the radar for longer) abuser who denies their own lying deceptions, manipulations, emotional abuse… who will then blameshift for pointing their abuse out to them… Simply put a real mirror in front of them. The truth chokes them, and the mask slips. The disorder comes to the surface as it assumes entitlement, the delusional defence the ego creates to deny reality and shame to trigger an instant lie to hide the lie… and another lie. The conditioned or forced projection denial system learned in childhood… never left. Old in the face, immature and undeveloped on the inside.”
A balanced person would do something else in the first place… a person with empathy would do something else instead of cover it up… the empath would avoid the action and coverup… (they protect), so the abuser exposes themselves twice, and so on.
It is not just what is said and done at a certain time or not said and done at a certain time… the third element, ‘what should be happening,’ that gives it all away… the abuser always exposes themselves… always… their own delusions linked to gaslighting means they cant see who is really watching and taking notes, recording evidence, gaining advice, the trauma bond is not a bond if people step away to leave the abuser with their memories and shame to deal with on their own. Processing accountability is like poison to an abuser as it the truth… so use the truth, a lie has no connection with reality when looked at under a microscope and questioned in various ways… hence fear of exposure.
Links:
PsychCentral - How Narcissists Blame and Accuse Others for Their Own Shortcomings. (“Lying to look better… to cover up.”)
WTE - The Narcissist Is Your Mirror
NL - Narcissist Looking in Mirror: Unveiling the Reflection of Self-Obsession
NFF - Life in the Fun House: Narcissistic Mirroring and Projection
HMS - The Fake Photo on the Mirror
Medium - The Reflection of a Narcissist
Psychology Today - What Do Narcissists See When They Look in the Mirror?
Medium. - The Narcissist’s Mirror
Powerful words used correctly and at the right time = Yes. No. Why.
Primary and secondary evidence always comes back to the direct or indirect actions of a manipulative, emotionally abusive person with a history they speak of in a certain way. That history will have something missing and something that has happened. Study the development stages to know why a person went one way instead of the other to avoid accountability and then practise it. Why do they create dysfunctional enmeshment systems in families around them with roles that all need eyes in one direction? Why does a person miss very important key elements that balanced human adults gain and respectively use for a number of reasons?
Why do they fear the term ‘educated empath’ who sees right through them and the need to control other people's perceptions with detached, emotionally abusive mind games and then pretend it was someone else? And pretend to be an empath when it is actually seeking validation and looking for feed? Crazy right? Always the false-self construct to gain at any expense that conflicts with 50% of the hidden survival tools and justifications… empathy does something else every time; it never says (for example), “Other people make me arrogant”, the wrong path entirely. The mask slips even without passive aggression or rage to gain validation and control so the fragile ego isn’t challenged or reminded of their abuse.
To spot psychopathy, the stare is not noted when staring someone down inches from someone's face like a true sociopath (hurt by reality and conditioned to ignore rules), so they see an object with conflict, whether a woman or a man, child or pregnant woman. The psychopath state does not know what to do when others would think twice. One specialist mentions the start across a restaurant that is a little too long, the looking but not connecting, needing something else, needing to know what to do.
A toxic abuser with detachment and justification and strange views on others is not exactly an inspiring position to observe, which is why there will always be a fantasy issue hiding a false image in a biased mirror for protection from reality and accountability to hide the truth of what is actually going on on the inside… with unhealthy comparison to keep the fragile deceptive ego elevated with drip feed control issues to avoid questions, depth, and triggers so the charm and distraction keep reality away.
Hopefully, by now, the image in your mind of the person who lives inside an abuse cycle (who wants you to go along with it as well) and who won’t admit they have done terrible things to people is now fading through the Truth Bias that allowed a projected image to slip into your mind with added guilt if you don’t think of them first (red flag for emotional abuse and control issues).
True or False: Tolerance will harm the victim as much as the abuser… know when to walk, and create an exit plan for the sake of your mental and physical health.
MHCA - Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle
Dr Sirota - When Victims of Abuse Justify their Abuser’s Behavior
Medium. - Coercive Control — how to spot it and how to stop it
PsycCentral - The 4 Stages of the Cycle of Abuse: From Tension to Calm and Back
Post-Session Insight
Recap: Know the side effects of emotional and manipulative abusive relationships to discover why they happen in the first place and why you didn’t spot them at first.
“Targeting inside the Coercive Control relationship will happen outside the relationship when the controlling relationship is stopped by the victim.”
True or False: A manipulative person cannot pretend to be a good person 24/7, as lying is not real, it is detached from the facts. The default agenda will give itself away when receiving something as simple as feedback. Simple questioning, the mask will slip, or it creates a culture where people don’t feel they should question the odd behaviour. Odd is odd for a reason, the facade is trying to copy something it is not. The hidden unhealthy compassion is the flaw the deceptive person cannot see; too busy hiding from others to know the behaviour has a bias.
Choosing Therapy - What Is Narcissistic Supply? (People without education may not see this and later assume it is something else)
Suggestion 1: Love, kindness, connection and consideration are not the same as seeking validation, manipulation through silent treatment and disconnection when accountability is required. Control issues are born out of hidden deep insecurity (toxic, unhealthy compassion due to a lack of development), and the coverup will only show how they hide the issues in themselves when they put on others requesting accountability.
Suggestion 2: The mirror reflection of what is happening on the inside of the abuser will be seen by others close by… There is a need to suppress at any expense; people are objects, less means something else happens, less because something happened and matters were not addressed, so two people are now living inside a trauma bond.
They hide it better than a balanced person, as a balanced person would want to fix it rather than suppress and use it deceptively, so others go along with something toxic as well. Convincing others without accountability, project, and triangulation are major red flags as the primary evidence behaviour. The coverup is the confession as it is the smear; it is an action a person is prepared to make as their victim is a target with a need to go along with something. They constantly expose themselves; don’t make it too late to see the damage it will cause you.
Victim and charm tactics are included to use people in the relationship and cover-up. The subtle emotional abuse and influence are designed to control and confuse via outbursts when triggered and gaslighting and withholding when playing mind games for stimulation. A lack of balance is seen in the cycle with deflection to move past and expect their shame to be your responsibility as they cannot handle the side effects of what they chose to do that should never happen.
The internal projects on to the external… simple? Make an exit plan if you have brain fog, health issues and a sense of self is fading, you are being degrated over time. The conflicts created overtly or covertly are hurting your mental health and awareness of reality.
Trauma bonded but dressed up to be something else. Your empathy, time, and consideration have turned into a Narcissistic Supply for someone to prevent the internal hidden mess behind a public image from being processed. Be careful; you are playing catch-up to how other people are born, made, and influenced through biased survival tools passed on from someone, hidden with short-term charm and distraction, so you don’t see it at first.
Targeting inside the Coercive Control relationship will happen outside the relationship when the controlling relationship is stopped by the victim of the gaslighting and emotional abuse behind closed doors; the disorder will go kicking and screaming, withholding, doubling down, triangulation to cover up at the expense, losing is toxic to a narcissistic person who always wants some hidden form of toxic formed for lack of self-awareness. Covert types are very dangerous; they stay ‘hidden’ for longer and will take down anyone who will accept the ‘fit the narrative’.
Love, kindness, connection and consideration are not the same as seeking validation, manipulation through silent treatment and disconnection when accountability is required. Control issues are born out of hidden deep insecurely, and the coverup will only show how they hide the issues in themselves when they put on others requesting accountability."
All actions and statements are linked; pay attention to both chapters for closure.
The bad role model has become the education to project on others. . Abuse is learned and not discussed, so the dysfunctional systems in place around the ego gain further issues requiring control as a tool to keep the facade active at any expense. No empathy and detachment can be found in abuse cycles to confuse other people. The mask for public consumption is a lie, a false self-construct that denies balance as it lacks balance; it has toxic biases due to only thinking of one person… so others must be conditioned subtly to think of one person… brainwashing.
What is happening in the relationship behind closed doors - Denying a balanced, loving, fair, and respectful open reality - Using control issues with emotional and manipulative abuse, deception with gaslighting and blameshifting. When rejection of a fermented trauma bond, walking away from a person living a lie, rejecting the shame put on to others, and fear of exposure happens, the same hidden disorder creates the same actions.
Now let go, heal, and move on with a life lesson in place… you cannot rescue everyone, and those who hide in plain sight do not want to change; that will be your position to make sure you do not fall for the same person again. They see nothing wrong because they cannot see and feel anything wrong… it will be everyone else before they learn to see it is them at the centre of the abuse and gossip drama or the triangulation to choke reality, facts and truth as it conflicts with the fantasy image of themselves they see in a mirror… the disorder harms the person before they harm others with words and actions.